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Science suggests that cowboy birthdays were the best.
Evidence of this is found in fossils from the late 1800s, the so-called Oldwestic Period. Petrified celebrations can be identified by the cake crumbs embedded in nearby rock. Bits of ancient ice cream oftentimes remain.
Some scientists say cowboys played Shoots and Ladders at birthday parties. Others subscribe to the Game Boy theory. But the most popular premise revolves around the use of crude wooden cylinders to knock prizes out of papier-mâché totems, as depicted in this artist’s rendering on the back of a 2003 basic photography quiz.
What goodies were inside these ancestors to the modern-day piñata, we’ll never know. All that remains are wrappers from a different time.
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Some say there’s no money in heists anymore.
Competent, athletic security guards are a dime a dozen. And high-tech prowler-detection systems grow cheaper by the day. These circumstances leave even the crappiest banks and museums filled with muscles and lasers.
Yet one frontier remains for the modern-day caper: Zoos.
As depicted in this 2003 cultural anthropology doodle, zoos with ice-skating rinks are the most vulnerable. Crooks slide in, empty the vending machines, and slide back out.
It’s a numbers game for these swindlers. More jobs means more quarters. More quarters means more skee ball. More skee ball means more tickets. And more tickets means more prizes. Whole economies are built upon the balsa planes and bouncy balls won by these criminals.
Considering a career in zoo robbery? Just steer clear of the pandas. Cute as those creatures are, they will mess. You. Up.
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This doodle of unknown origin (psych class perhaps?) demands multiple interpretations. Here are three using the fact, twist, question format:
- Tonya is a builder of and friend to robots. Or at least she was before a hacker took over her lab and turned her creations against her. Can she stop the attacker, or are parts about to start flying?
- Daphne hates doing homework. So when the dean institutes a new rule giving automatic A’s to people with beards, she knows she must act fast. Will Amazon ship out her barrel of minoxidil in time, or will she be stuck mathing for the rest of the semester?
- For as long as Ronald can remember, he has looked like an attractive woman. This wasn’t a problem for the plumber—until a lucrative modeling agency came calling. Will Ronald stay true to his pipes, or will the call of the catwalk plunge him away?
As evidenced by the incomplete multiplication problem on this doodle, I’m with Daphne on this one. Homework is for the birds!*
*And people who go on to earn lots of money, cure diseases, make jobs for the poor, etc.