The Bandage Man
This doodle, found on a worksheet listing sample statements analyzing ABC’s World News Tonight, looks like another movie poster to me. Here are my pitches:
- The Bandage Man. Ex-cop James Spano, a thumb with a checkered past, is brought in to help find “The Papercraft Killer.” The twist: Spano’s partner on the case is Detective Ogg, a hard-living Neanderthal who slept with Spano’s wife. (Ogg is either a clone from some DNA found in a bone or a guy thawed out of a glacier.) In the end, Spano gets shot in the knuckle, hence the bandage, but he goes on to save Ogg’s life or something.
- Wednesdays with Alvin. Author Carl Carlson finds out his former professor, Alvin Alvinson, is dying of big nose disease. (It causes your brain to get too much oxygen, I guess.) Carlson said they would stay in touch after graduation, but they didn’t, so he decides make up for lost time by calling in sick every Wednesday and hanging out with Alvinson instead. They mostly just drink beer during their time together. Maybe Alvinson teaches Carlson how to count cards.
- When a Man Loves a Thumb. Ted and Chris, who have been happily married for 15 minutes, are forced to deal with Chris’ rubber cement addiction when he tries to break into an Elmer’s Glue plant. (Luckily, the factory only produced paste.) In the ultimate sign of love and commitment, Ted moves his cherished rubber cement collection out of the living room to make it easier for Chris at home. They live happily ever after, or at least for another 15 minutes.
Now that my future in Hollywood is assured, feel free to leave a comment below with your pitch for the movie this doodle represents. With the new connections I’m bound to make here, maybe I can hook you up.