Feb 26 2014

The lucrative zoo-robbing industry

(Click image for full version.)

(Click image for full version.)

Some say there’s no money in heists anymore.

Competent, athletic security guards are a dime a dozen. And high-tech prowler-detection systems grow cheaper by the day.  These circumstances leave even the crappiest banks and museums filled with muscles and lasers.

Yet one frontier remains for the modern-day caper: Zoos.

As depicted in this 2003 cultural anthropology doodle, zoos with ice-skating rinks are the most vulnerable. Crooks slide in, empty the vending machines, and slide back out.

It’s a numbers game for these swindlers. More jobs means more quarters. More quarters means more skee ball. More skee ball means more tickets. And more tickets means more prizes. Whole economies are built upon the balsa planes and bouncy balls won by these criminals.

Considering a career in zoo robbery? Just steer clear of the pandas. Cute as those creatures are, they will mess. You. Up.

Feb 19 2014

Bots, beards, and beauty

(Click image for larger version.)

(Click image for larger version.)

This doodle of unknown origin (psych class perhaps?) demands multiple interpretations. Here are three using the fact, twist, question format:

  • Tonya is a builder of and friend to robots. Or at least she was before a hacker took over her lab and turned her creations against her. Can she stop the attacker, or are parts about to start flying?
  • Daphne hates doing homework. So when the dean institutes a new rule giving automatic A’s to people with beards, she knows she must act fast. Will Amazon ship out her barrel of minoxidil in time, or will she be stuck mathing for the rest of the semester?
  • For as long as Ronald can remember, he has looked like an attractive woman. This wasn’t a problem for the plumber—until a lucrative modeling agency came calling. Will Ronald stay true to his pipes, or will the call of the catwalk plunge him away?

As evidenced by the incomplete multiplication problem on this doodle, I’m with Daphne on this one. Homework is for the birds!*

*And people who go on to earn lots of money, cure diseases, make jobs for the poor, etc.

Feb 12 2014

A pretentious pirate parrot

(Click for full image.)

(Click for full image.)

Edgar, a parrot doodled during a work-related conference call, takes a lot of grief. Bullies frequently target him because of his penchant for fancy vests and shiny monocles. But, really, they should be showering him with praise. Edgar is the rare example of an elderly pirate, and it is well documented that buccaneering is not an industry known for extending life spans. Consider this list of common dangers:

  • Scurvy
  • Sharks
  • Sword-in-chest disease
  • Stabbings
  • Slicings
  • Stabbing-slicings
  • Slicing-stabbings
  • Slippings
  • Drownings
  • Alligators
  • Axenface Syndrome
  • Tetanus
  • Student loans
  • Depth-perception deficiency, also known as “Eyepatchitis”

Kudos to you, Edgar!