Aug 27 2014

The rum inspector

(Click for larger version.)

(Click for larger version.)

Today’s doodle, drawn during a 2002 freshman composition class, features Petty Officer Stuart Dandy, the chief rum inspector for the H.M.S. OldShipname. We know of Dandy through the logs of Captain William Sigh:

April 1, 1745

Near disaster today. Just before leaving port, we almost left without our chief rum inspector, Stuart Dandy! Bad batches of rum have been sickening sailors, he says. Spoiling the grog, putting sailors at peril. The admiral has been appointing rum experts to verify the safety of our supplies while out at sea. If the admiral thinks Dandy can keep us safe, then I’m sure we’re in good hands. 

April 2

Dandy already has proven his worth. First barrel of grog tested positive for badbatchinitis! Dodged a bullet there.

April 3

Thank heavens for Dandy. He barely took a sip during rum testing yesterday, yet he looks as though he had the plague this morning. If he hadn’t taken it upon himself to quarantine that bad barrel in his private quarters, I can’t imagine what peril the crew would be in.

April 21

More bad rum! Dandy is a Godsend. The distillers are going to hear from me when we return, I swear it.

July 14

We approach the Caribbean, and not a moment too soon. Not only has our rum supply been hit hard by badbatchinitis, it seems to be affecting the cola, ice, and lime reserves, as well. My hope is that the tropics will be unaffected by this scourge.

Meanwhile, Dandy looks worse than ever. Yet he somehow manages to be one of the best card-players on the ship, the men say. His vigor inspires me.

July 20

We have made landfall. I tried to dump the rest of our rum supplies overboard out of an abundance of caution, but Dandy would have none of it. Says it holds our best chance at beating this affliction.

July 24

We set sail again, sans rum inspector. He volunteered to stay behind in the tropics with our spoiled supplies for further testing. He figures that with enough time, hard work, and luck, he can find a cure for this affliction. Plus the sunny weather and beaches provide the optimal conditions for testing.

I sometimes wonder how we could ever repay him. But something tells me his efforts provide him with all the satisfaction he needs.

Godspeed, rum inspector! Godspeed.

Aug 20 2014

A clown in the morning

(Click for larger version.)

(Click for larger version.)

In our clown-obsessed society, it’s easy to forget that clowns are people, too.

This 2002 freshman-composition-class doodle is an attempt to remind us all of that fact.

The clown depicted above has just rolled out of bed. His eyes are slivers. His makeup is smudged. He still wears his long underwear.

You’ll never see such a picture in the clown-gossip rags at the grocery store, that’s for sure.

How do I know all of this? Note my cluster diagram at the top of the doodle. At it’s heart: “Making people laugh.”

Yes, this was the foundation for an essay at clown college. I went to Clownbridge Clowniversity in Clowningtonshire.

So I know a thing or two about clowns.

Aug 13 2014

‘The Wizard of Oz’ gets a reboot

(Click for larger version.)

(Click for larger version.)

I see three possibilities for explaining this mid-2000s psychology-class doodle:

  • This is a modern-day reboot of “The Wizard of Oz.” Dorothy, center, goes on a magical adventure when her foster parents’ trailer gets sucked up by a twister. Along the way, she meets up with a scarecrow, right, who needs a college degree; an abominable snowman, bottom left, who desperately wishes he cared about his fellow lifeforms; and the cowardly alien, who needs to abduct someone to prove his bravery.
  • This is Jordon Burns, self-appointed neighborhood watch captain. He might seem paranoid, but he lives in a weird town, as evidenced by the array of visitors behind him. And those are his neighbors!
  • This is John Philip Salsa, professional lawn chair tester. Outdoor furniture failures were the No. 1 cause of butt sprains in the nation in 2003, according to the Federal Minor Injuries Council. Nearly all of those tragedies can be traced back to shoddy testmanship. But none of those chairs were shipped on Salsa’s watch. No sir. Salsa sure can sit on a lawn chair, that’s for sure.