Oct 24 2012

Night of the Living Doughnuts

In this time of barbaric political discourse, here is one thing the vast majority of us can agree on: Doughnuts are delicious.

It is a tragedy, then, that they also are deleterious. How much better a world would this be if doughnuts were actually healthful? We could gather around our kitchen tables, Democrats and Republicans alike, and stuff our faces. Instead of dropping bombs on al-Qaida, we could drop bear claws. Islamist extremists would instantly sing the West’s praises, I’m sure of it.

It’s settled, then: The secret to world peace is the healthful doughnut. Get to work, Science! In the meantime, here is a story inspired by this biology class doodle.

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In his minutes of existence, Long John had seen too many of his friends sent to their deaths.

Most were snatched from the shelves, dropped in white paper bags and traded to their executioners for coin. Others, rejected for their burnt skin or flat demeanor, were cast off as refuse and thrown in the trash.

Somebody had to do something, Long John thought to himself. This tasty tragedy could not continue. He rose to his delicious feet.

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Jun 20 2012

A ski monster

What do you get when you combine The Fan Man with a monopedal extraterrestrial? If you answered a ski monster, you are either a cheater, well informed, or someone I want to play roulette in my stead.

A ski monster could be any number of things, turns out, so here are my guesses on what’s going on in this week’s doodle:

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Feb 15 2012

Happy Valentine’s Day: Here is a picture of Abby as a giant robot

Most of us will die at some point in our lives. The hows and whys are hard to predict; industrial accidents, hungry monsters, and faulty organs are all equally likely culprits. Take comfort in the fact that nearly every living thing that has died has gone through this process before us, and it didn’t kill them, did it?

Lucky for me, my wife, Abby, is nearly immortal. Based on my estimates, she is looking at a lifespan that extends at least into the millennium range. Today’s doodle is an artist’s rendering of Abby on Valentine’s Day in 2313. She has clearly entered the giant robot stage of existence and is likely pausing here before razing another city, as is her wont. I’m going to assume her destructive tendencies stem from my untimely death in a bowling accident three decades earlier at the young age of 300. Lucky for her, me, and Earth, Science will leap forward in 2314, resurrecting me in zombie form. We’ll then blast off to the Moon or Europa, whichever has cooler cities to ransack.

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